My heart sank when I saw you were not in town early Saturday morning. I came back home with the groceries, listening to "our" music while driving slowly, and sat despondently in the sun to mend the hurt in my legs and in my heart. I was yearning for you like I did so many years ago when I did not know any better, when I did not know anything at all except what my parents told me and what I had read in books.
But what is wrong with me? What do I really want? I do not want to start an intimate relationship with anyone, and I especially do not want to hurt you. So?
So, at my age, I should know better and take control of my urges. So let's take back control of my life, now. I realize that I forgot two very important things on my shopping list so, reluctantly, I grab my purse and the car keys and hit the road again. Driving by, listening to the music you burned for me, I can see that you drove down from the city and are here! There is a lot to do on the property, and driving back home again, I can see that others from your family are here to help you open the summer cottages. I wave over the top of my car roof, not knowing if anybody will see me, but I do it anyways.
So, as I have done during all these years, (has it really been 50?), I do my thing, keeping busy, especially in the garden, but looking up once in a while; maybe you will drive by. Or take a walk with members of your family. But you don't, and the day ends. And it's okay.
Sunday, the rain comes. Driving in town should be hell today because of the bicycle Tour de l'Île, so you probably went back at your place last night. Indeed, having to go out Sunday afternoon, I see that there is nobody left at the cottages today.
Maybe I'll catch a glimpse of you next Saturday. And that is okay too.
Do I dare tell you that you are the person I think of when I think of softness, of affection, of tenderness? I had never felt such tenderness until I met you, and have not felt any like it since.
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